Time Leaves You Paralyzed
by phofstadter
Summary: Leonard, Penny, and a breakup neither of them can stop thinking about. Especially Penny. Kind of AU. The first in a series of unrelated one-shots based off songs from Taylor Swift's new album.


**I know the last time I wrote angst, people told me I should consider doing it more. So, I gave it another try. This angst is not as angsty as my last angst though. And wow, I said 'angst' way too many times there…You get the point? Also, I know it's late, but I always get eager and just have to publish my works right when I finish them. So, I hope there are some fellow LP loving night owls out there. **

**I recently got Taylor Swift's album "Red" for Christmas, and I love most of the songs on there, and a lot of them inspired me to write one-shots based off of them. Now, this series of one-shots will not be connected in any way, they will all just be based off songs from "Red". The lyrics in this one are from "All Too Well". That's where the title comes from too. Enjoy! **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Big Bang Theory. It belongs to those who create and market it. Though, I would love to own it. Oh well…**

* * *

_I walked through the door with you, the air was cold  
But something about it felt like home somehow  
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house  
And you still got it in your drawer, even now_

_Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze  
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate  
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place  
And I can picture it after all these days._

She remembers the first time she met his family. He'd been so terrified, saying that he didn't think she'd like them, and that she shouldn't expect too much. Sure, they weren't your typical, warm family, but she'd felt at home anyway, sitting on Leonard's sister's couch with his arms wrapped around her, because they were still his family, and she felt at home there, like she was being welcomed into it.

Afterwards, they'd gotten lost on the interstate, and she'd looked over at him from the passenger side and laughed, because they had no idea where they were. They finally found their way after burning through all the CD's in his car and watching the leaves fall. Then, she'd reached for her bags, and realized she'd forgotten her scarf. Leonard eventually went back for it.

Penny never got that damn scarf back.

_Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red  
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed  
Your mother's telling stories about you on the tee ball team  
You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me_

_And I know it's long gone  
And there's nothing else I could do  
And I forget about you long enough  
To forget why I needed to_

He'd never been one to hide his past. He told her everything she wanted to know and answered all her questions, even when she couldn't do the same. He'd told her about his mother and her lack of maternal love and his father's cheating and how it felt to be in his brother and sister's shadows. She'd looked at the pictures of him as a little kid and smiled, thinking that he'd been cute (and well, still was). She'd never have the strength to show him photos of her pre-pubescent years. She could remember clearly one night in particular when he'd taken her hands and told her none of that mattered anymore, because now they could take the journey together and start fresh. She'd smiled and nodded, not telling him how much this talk of commitment frightened her.

She lies on her bed now, staring up at the ceiling, and wonders if things would be different now if she had told him this. She wonders if then they never would've gotten into that stupid fight, and she could've possibly saved this relationship.

She'd tried so hard to just move on with her life. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't forget about that one night of her doing that had ruined everything. She felt like it was her fault.

_Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night  
We're dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light  
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well_

_And maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much  
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up  
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well_

She remembers one night when she'd woken up at two in the morning and gone into her kitchen, turning on her iPod and playing one of her favorite songs. She'd paused from taking the water bottle out of the fridge and just taken a moment, doing a quick spin in its glow, and smiling to herself. Somewhere along the lines, he'd walked in, because when she finished her little dance she could hear him clapping. He'd walked in in his robe and socks and she'd kissed him hungrily on the jaw, and together they'd swayed back and forth by the kitchen island. Then they'd gone back to bed, and ravished each other until morning. When she got up, she'd realized the fridge had been open and the iPod had been on all night long.

Now, it feels like so long ago. She doesn't know why they had to give it all up, moments like these. They could've salvaged it all; they didn't have to be over. But then she remembers how she'd slammed the door and ran out of there crying, and she doesn't know if he _wants_ to do any salvaging.

_Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it  
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it  
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own  
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone_

_But you keep my old scarf from that very first week  
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me  
You can't get rid of it cause you remember it all too well_

When they'd broken up, the days after felt like millenniums. It was like every lonely moment was expanded and electrified, and it hurt ten times more than she thought it would. She wanted to go back to being the old Penny, the beautiful, happy girl who couldn't care less and dated boys who treated her not nearly as well as Leonard did. But, as much as she tries to be that girl again she just…can't be. It's like now that she knows love can be like that, anything else is just impossible to wrap her head around. She isn't her old self, and maybe that's a good thing, or maybe it's not, but right then she didn't know.

Now, she thumbs through the box of her things he'd returned to her. There are all her clothes and perfume bottles, her favorite CD's and movies, the shampoo and luffa she'd kept in his shower. Even the maxi pads she'd kept under his sink for emergencies, which he'd sworn once he'd never, ever touch. She bets Sheldon wouldn't let him leave it.

But, Penny realizes she still doesn't have the damn scarf.

He remembers.

_Cause there we are again, when I loved you so  
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known  
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

_Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all  
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all  
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

He remembers that day at his sisters, and the conversations they'd have, and that night of dancing, he remembers everything. It still means something to him, just like it does to her, because even after all the confusion she'd sent his way, he still kept the scarf. She remembers that one time he told her he couldn't let it go, because it felt like her. At the time, she hadn't gotten what he meant. Now she does.

It brings back memories.

She picks up her phone and selects the first number on speed dial. It rings, and he picks up on the second.

"Penny?" He sounds hopeful, and nostalgic.

"Yeah, Leonard," She says. "It's me,"


End file.
